Monday, 17 November 2014

the angel of my life


I stand before her, the serene face of a lady looks back at me. And memories come to me in flashbacks. My chilhood. It was different. Different from the rest. I am a little girl of six. The angel of my life is there with me. From washing my face in the morning to brushing my teeth at night. My friends would ask, "who made these pretty pigtails in your hair?","it is my mother, i love her!" From school homework to projects; from fancy dress competitions to sports day. "such a lovely creative project! You made this?","oh no no! It is my mother, she is an artist. She helps me in all my work, i love her!" Every year, at the parents teacher meeting, mothers and fathers of all my friends met the teachers and each other. "where is your mother?","oh she is unwell today.... " And so my friends, so much in awe of my mother only saw her in the pictures i showed to them. "one day i will come to your place with my mother."
But the angel of my life was there with me. Every little thing that mattered, every tear i shed, was wiped; every curve of my lips would be turned into a smile. All my joys, my earth shattering sorrows, would i share with the angel. A ride on the bike, races in the garden, sweets after getting those dreadfull needles, lifting me up in the air, reading me stories, singing me songs, telling me tales of monkeys and crows, of fairies and goblins. All this and more did the angel of my life. Untiring, unconditionally, day after day, night after night. Often do i remember when i was a little girl, back in school when each one of my friends brought lunch boxes with sumptuous food. Parathas, achar, potatoe fries and what not. "where is your lunch?","oh!", i would say, "i prefer eating from the canteen. My mother, she was so busy carrying out the tasks at home." And when i reached home, my angel was ready to take me out to eat. 
Today, when i am at the end of my teenage years, standing with my face towards the sun, i close my eyes. The beam penetrates my soul. I ask myself,"was i ashamed then?" But why? When i should have been so proud.
 I open my eyes and my reflection stares back at me through the glass on the portrait. I see the serene face of a beautiful lady. The incense sticks producing whirls of smoke taking shapes of the twists and turns of my life
The garland of flowers hung around this picture, i never let wither. And her face merges with the reflection of mine as tears blur my vision. It is my mother,as people tell me. I never knew her yet i love her! A hand on my head,a soothing touch, my tears wiped away again, as he has always done from my chilhood uptill now. And i know that it is my angel, my father.

Monday, 27 October 2014

love myself

A beautiful feeling. My hair embracing my face. I need not anybody else. I need not your love, your touch.

Saturday, 25 October 2014

jealousy in friendship?

As wild as any dream could be. This too was one.
 I am walking on a jam packed road,so much traffic and i can see the scenes unfolding before my eyes. My best friend jennifer walking hand in hand with another new friend of hers. Both have short cropped hair. Both are wearing the same yellow colored tee. I can see them walking on the road. There's traffic, cars everywhere. Yet it does not perturb them. But why am i bothered? What is this sudden pang i feel deep inside my heart. The sun is setting, casting its orange glow on the pair of friends walking serenely;unaware, oblivious to the busy and strenous world around them. I see them from behind,so content, so placid. In no time strange uncanny thoughts start rushing to my mind.
Do i want a mishap to take place? What is it i secretly desire? The sky greys now. All of a sudden the clouds are storming and falling,like the world is coming to an end. It is as if my very thoughts have sprung up into action. Everybody senses this doom, this impending danger. Jennifer and her friend turn back suddenly. There's horror and fright in their eyes. They see me and rush towards me. The three of us holding hands pray for the tremor to subside,for peace to reign.
Is this dream symbolic of something? Am i really jealous of the growing friendship of my friend with somebody else? But is there really scope for jealousy in friendship? I am bewildered at my own subconscious mind. 

Friday, 24 October 2014

yet she walks

She walks on a bridge with her placid face yet with a fervent desire in her eyes; towards the open blue sky. The sky so vast. The sunlight luminous, pouring on her,giving her strength. The light so brilliant, so intense it could be blinding. Yet she walks. On. Bounded with chains yet free in the mind;to run,to reach,to grasp. The chains sharp,cutting through the path which she has treaded upon,leaving behind a void,a hollow and an emptiness; destroying the way back. There is no turning back. Its a one way journey. Her life is.